guilt

I am still feeling bad about loosing Flash. I did not do right by that fish. I lagged in getting him a filtered tank, and by the time he moved in it was too late. Realized looking back at pictures of him the other day, that it had been a long time since he'd looked so healthy and active. At some point I should have euthanized him rather than let it drag on, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Freezing is said to be slow suffering for the little fish, and I know I couldn't execute the quickest, painless method: cutting off the head. I don't have clove oil, which is supposed to put them to sleep. I thought of putting the fish in a plastic baggie and striking it hard against a flat stationary object (the wall, or side of my desk) but just couldn't. By the time I made a final effort to save him, it was that very attempt that did it. He might have lingered on a few more days, a week even, if I hadn't tried to move him. I'll never know.